Last Sacrifice Chapter Thirty-four

I DIDNT WAKE UP IN the world of the dead.I didnt even wake up in a hospital or whatever other(a) type of medical centerwhich, believe me, Id d i plenty of times. no. I woke up in luxury, in a huge bedroom with gilded furniture. Heaven? Probably no(prenominal) with my behaviors. My canopied bed had a red- and-gold velvet comforter, boneheaded enough to be a mattress itself. Candles flickered on a sm each table against the farthest wall and filled the room with the scent of jasmine. I had no clue where I was or how Id gotten here, further as my last memories of pain and darkness played push through in my mind, I decided the fact that I was actually breathing was total enough.Sleeping Beauty awakens.That voice that wonderful, honey-like voice with its soft accent. It enveloped me, and with it came the impossible truth and its full impact I was alive. I was alive. And Dimitri was here.I couldnt see him entirely matte up a smile come to my lips. Are you my nurse?I heard him get up from a chair and walk everyplace. Seeing him stand over me like that reminded me of just how tall he truly was. He looked down at me with a smile of his ownone of those full and rare smiles. He had cleaned up since last Id seen him, his brown hair tied neatly stake behind his neck, though he hadnt s wared for a couple days. I seek to sit up, notwithstanding he tsked me spine.No, no, you need to lie down. Soreness in my chest told me he was right. My mind force be awake, barely the rest of me was exhausted. I had no idea how much time had passed, but something told me my body had been fighting a battlenot with a Strigoi or anything like one, but with itself. A battle to stay alive. wherefore come closer, I told him. I want to see you. He considered this a moment and then kicked off his shoes. Turning on my side which made me winceI managed to wiggle over a little to make room near the beds edge. He curled up beside me. Our gives be on the same pillow, exactly a couple o f inches apart as we gazed at each other.Is this better? he asked.Much.With his dour, graceful fingers, he reached out and napped hair from my human face before tracing the edge of my cheekbone. How are you?Hungry.He laughed softly and cautiously slid his hand down to rest on my lower back, in a sort of half-embrace. Of course you are. I think theyve only managed to get broth into you so far. Well, that and IV fluids early on. Youre probably in sugar withdrawal.I cringed. I didnt like needles or tubes and was glad I hadnt been awake to see them. (Tat in addition needles were a different matter.) How long name I been out?A fewer days.A few days I shivered, and he tugged the covers higher on me, thinking I was cold. I shouldnt be alive, I whispered. Gunshots like that they were too fast, too close to my heart. Or in my heart? I put my hand to my chest. I didnt roll in the hay precisely where Id been hit. It all ached. Oh Lord. Lissa m mop uped me, didnt she? It would have take n so much spirit. She shouldnt have done that. She couldnt afford to. Except why would I hush up feel pain? If shed recovered me, she would have gone all the way.No, she didnt heal you.No? I frowned, unable to process that. How else would I have survived? A surprising answer came to mind. Then Adrian? Hed never after how I treated him no. He couldnt have What, you think hed let you die?I didnt answer. The bullets might be long gone, but thinking of Adrian still made my heartfigurativelyache.No matter how he feels Dimitri hesitated. This was a delicate topic, after all. Well, he wouldnt have let you die. He wanted to heal you. exactly he didnt either.I felt bad for thinking so little of Adrian. Dimitri was right. Adrian never would have abandoned me out of spite, but I was rapidly running out of options here. Then who? Sonya?No one, he give tongue to simply. Well, you, I suppose.I what?People can heal without magic now and then, Rose. There was amusement in his voice, thoug h his face stayed sober. And your wounds they were bad. No one thought youd survive. You went into surgery, and then we all just waited.But why I felt very arrogant, asking the next question. Why didnt Adrian or Lissa heal me?Oh, they wanted to, believe me. But in the aftermath, in the chaos the Court went under lockdown. They were both taken away and put under enceinte protection before they could act. No one would let them near you, not when they still thought you might be a murderer. They had to be certain astir(predicate) Tasha first, even though her own actions were pretty damning. It took me a moment to get past the idea that modern medicine and my bodys own stamina had healed me. Id great(p) too used to spirit. This didnt seem possible. As I tried to wrap my mind around the concept, the rest of Dimitris meaning hit me. Is Tasha still alive?His face fell even more. Yes. They caught her right after she shot youbefore anyone else got hurt. Shes detained, and more evidence has been coming in.Calling her out was one of the hardest things Ive ever done, I said. fight Strigoi was easier than that.I know. It was hard for me to see, hard for me to believe. There was a far-off look in his eyes, reminding me that Dimitri had known her longer than hed known me. But she made her choices, and all the charges against you have been dropped. Youre a free woman now. More than that. A hero. Abes bragging that its all his doing.That brought my smile back. Of course he is. Ill probably get a bill from him soon. I felt dizzy with both joy and astonishment. A free woman. Id been burdened with accusations and a death sentence for what felt like years, and now now it had all disappeared.Dimitri laughed, and I wanted to stay like this forever, just the two of us, sweet and unguarded. Wellmaybe not exactly this. I couldve done without the pain and thick bandages I felt on my chest. He and I had had so few times alone, moments when we could really relax and openly acknowl edge being in love. Things had only begun to mend between us at the end at that place and it had almost been too late. It might still be.So what now? I asked.Im not sure. He rested his cheek against my forehead. Im just so glad so glad youre alive. Ive been so close to losing you so many times. When I saw you on the floor, and thither was so much commotion and confusion I felt so helpless. I realized you were right. We waste our lives with guilt and self-loathing. When you looked at me there at the end I saw it. You did love me.You doubted? I meant the words jokingly, but they came out sounding offended. Maybe I was, a little. Id told him I loved him plenty of times.No. I mean, I knew then that you didnt just love me. I realized you really had for given up me.There was nothing to forgive, not really. Id told him that before too.Ive unceasingly believed there was. He pulled back and looked at me again. And thats what was trussing me back. No matter what you said, I just couldn t believe it couldnt believe you would forgive all the things I did to you in Siberia and after Lissa healed me. I thought you were deluding yourself.Well. It wouldnt be the first time Ive done that. But no, this time I wasnt.I know, and with that revelation in that split second that I knew you forgave me and that I really had your love, I was finally able to forgive myself too. All those burdens, those ties to the past they went away. It was like Being free? Flying?Yes. Except it came too late. This sounds crazy, but while I was looking down at you, having all these thoughts coming together in my head, it was like like I could see deaths hand comer for you. And there was nothing I could do. I was powerless. I couldnt help. You did, I told him. The last things I saw before blacking out were you and Lissa. Well, besides the skeletal faces, but mentioning that would have killed this romantic moment. I dont know how I survived getting shot, how I beat the odds but Im pretty sure your loveboth of yougave me the forcefulness to fight through. I had to get back to you guys. God only knows what trouble youd get into without me.Dimitri had no words for that and answered instead by bringing his mouth to mine. We kissed, softly at first, and the sweetness of the moment overpowered any pain I felt. The intensity had just barely picked up when he pulled away.Hey, what gives? I asked.Youre still recovering, he chastised. You might think youre back to normal, but you arent.This is normal for me. And you know, I thought with all this freedom and self- discovery and expression of our love stuff that we could finally stop with the satisfying Zen master wisdom and practical advice crap.This got me an outright grin. Roza, thats not passage to happen. Take it or leave it.I pressed a kiss to his lips. If it content getting you, Ill take it. I wanted to kiss him again and prove who really did have greater self-control, but that damned thing called reality coiffe in. Di mitri for real, what happens to us?Life, he said easily. It goes on. We go on. Were guardians. We protect and maybe c namee our world.No pressure, I remarked. But whats the we and guardians part? I was pretty sure we were out of that career path.Mmm. He cupped my face, and I thought he might try another kiss. I hoped he would. Along with our pardons, we received our guardian status again. dismantle you? They believe youre not a Strigoi? I exclaimed.He nodded.Huh. Even if I got my name cleared, my ideal future was that wed get filing jobs near each other.Dimitri travel closer to me, his eyes sparkling with a secret. It gets better youre Lissas guardian.What? I almost pulled away. Thats impossible. Theyd never They did. Shell have others, so they probably figured it was okay to let you hang around if someone else could keep you in line, he teased.Youre not A lump formed in my stomach, a reminder of a problem that had plagued us so long ago. Youre not one of her guardians too, are yo u? It had constantly been a concern, that conflict of interest. I wanted him near me. Always. But how could we watch Lissa and put her natural rubber first if we were hard-pressed virtually each other? The past was returning to torment us.No, I have a different assignment.Oh. For some reason, that made me a little sad too, even though I knew it was the smarter choice.Im Christians guardian.This time I did sit up, doctors orders or no. Stitches tugged in my chest, but I ignored the perspicacious discomfort. But thats thats practically the same thing Dimitri sat up too and seemed to be enjoying my shock, which was really kind of cruel, seeing as Id almost died and everything. A little. But they wont be together every moment, especially with her personnel casualty to Lehigh. Hes not going but theyll keep coming back to each other. And when they do, so forget we. Its a good mix. Besides He grew serious again. I think youve proved to everyone that youre willing to put her sprigh tliness first.I shake my head. Yeah, but no one was shooting at you. Only her. I said it lightly, but it did make me wonder what would I do if they were both in trouble?Trust him, a voice in my head said. Trust him to take care of himself. Hell do the same for you. I eyed Dimitri, recalling a shadow in my periphery back in the ballroom. You followed when I jumped in front of Lissa, didnt you? Who were you going for? Me or her?He studied me for several long seconds. He could have lied. He could have given the easy answer by saying hed intended to push both of us out of the wayif that was even possible, which I didnt recall. But Dimitri didnt lie. I dont know, Roza. I dont know.I sighed. This isnt going to be easy.It never is, he said, pulling me into his arms. I leaned against his chest and closed my eyes. No, it wouldnt be easy, but it would be worth it. As long as we were together, it would be worth it.We sat like that for a long time, until a discrete knock at the half-open door broke us apart. Lissa stood in the doorway.Sorry, she said, her face shining with joy when she saw me. Should have put a sock on the door. Didnt realize things were getting hot and heavy.No avoiding it, I said lightly, clasping Dimitris hand. Things are always hot with him around.Dimitri looked scandalized. Hed never held back when we were in bed together, but his private nature wouldnt let him even hint slightly such matters to others. It was mean, but I laughed and kissed his cheek.Oh, this is going to be fun, I said. Now that everythings out in the open.Yeah, he said. I got a pretty fun look from your father the other day. He gave Lissa a quick, knowing glance and then stood up. Leaning down, he kissed the top of my head. I should go and let you two talk.Will you be back? I asked as he moved to the door.He paused and smiled at me, and those dark eyes answered my questions and so much more. Of course.Lissa took his spot, sitting on the beds edge. She hugged me gingerly, no doubt worried about my injuries. She then scolded me for sitting up, but I didnt care. Happiness surged through me. I was so glad she was okay, so relieved, andAnd I had no idea how she felt.The cling was gone. And not like during the jail escape, when shed put the wall up. There was simply nothing there between us. I was with myself, completely and utterly alone, just as I had been years ago. My eyes widened, and she laughed.I wondered when youd notice, she said.How how is this possible? I was frozen and numb. The bond. The bond was gone. I felt like my arm had been amputated. And how do you know? She frowned. break apart of its instinct but Adrian saw it. That our auras arent connected anymore.But how? How could that happen? I sounded crazy and desperate. The bond couldnt be gone. It couldnt.Im not entirely sure, she admitted, her frown deepening. I talked about it a lot with Sonya and, uh, Adrian. We think when I brought you back the first time, it was spirit alone that held you b ack from the land of the dead and that kept you tied to me. This time you well-nigh died again. Or maybe you did for a moment. Only, you and your body fought your way back. It was you who got out, with no help from spirit. And once that happened She shrugged. Like I said, were only guessing. But Sonya thinks once your own military unit broke you away, you didnt need any help being pulled back from death. You did it on your own. And when you freed yourself of spirit, you freed yourself from me. You didnt need a bond to keep you with the living.It was crazy. Impossible. But if if youre saying I take flight the land of the dead, Im not, like, immortal or anything, am I?Lissa laughed again. No, were certain of that. Sonya explained it, saying anything alive can die, and as long as youve got an aura, youre alive. Strigoi are immortal but not alive, so they dont have auras andThe world spun. Ill take your word for it. I think maybe I do need to lie down.Thats probably a good idea.I g ently eased myself onto my back. Desperately needing distraction from what Id just learnedbecause it was still too surreal, still impossible to processI eyed my surroundings. The lush room was bigger than Id previously realized. It kept going and going, branching into other rooms. It was a suite. Maybe an apartment. I could just make out a living room with leather furniture and a flat screen TV. Where are we are?In palace housing, she replied.Palace housing? Howd we end up here?How do you think? she asked dryly.I I couldnt work my mouth for a moment. I needed no bond to realize what had happened. Another impossible action had occurred while Id been out of it. Crap. They had the election, didnt they? They elected you fairy, once Jill was there to stand in for your family.She shook her head and almost laughed. My reaction was a little stronger than crap, Rose. Do you have any idea what youve done?She looked anxious, stressed, and totally overwhelmed. I wanted to be serious and comf orting for her sake but I could feel a balmy grin spreading over my face. She groaned.Youre happy.Liss, you were meant for this Youre better than any of the other candidates.Rose she cried. Running for queen was supposed to be a diversion. Im only eighteen.So was Alexandra.Lissa shook her head in exasperation. Im so sick of hearing about her She lived centuries ago, you know. I think people died when they were thirty back then. So she was practically middle-aged. I caught hold of her hand. Youre going to be great. It doesnt matter how old you are. And its not like you have to call meetings and analyze law books all on your own, you know. I mean, Im sure not going to do any of that, but there are other smart people. Ariana Szelsky didnt make the last test, but you know shell help if you ask her to. Shes still on the Council, and there are others you can rely on. We just have to find them. I believe in you.Lissa sighed and looked down, her hair hanging forward in a curtain. I know. And part of me is excited, like this will restore my familys honor. I think thats whats saved me from a total breakdown. I didnt want to be queen, but if I have to then Im going to do it right. I feel like like I have the world at my fingertips, like I can do so much good. But Im so afraid of messing up too. She looked up sharply. And Im not giving up on the rest of my life either. I guess Im going to be the first queen in college.Cool, I said. You can IM with the Council from campus. Maybe you can command people to do your homework.She manifestly didnt think the joke was as funny as I did. Going back to my family. Rose how long did you know about Jill?Damn. Id known this part of the communion would eventually be coming. I averted my eyes. Not really that long. We didnt want to stress you until we knew it was real, I added hastily.I cant believe She shook her head. I just cant believe it.I had to go on her tone, not the bond. It was so strange, like losing one of my key senses . Sight. Hearing. Are you upset?Of course I am How can you be affect?I figured youd be happy Happy to find out my dad cheated on my mom? Happy to have a sister I hardly know? Ive tried to talk to her, but Lissa sighed again. Its so weird. Almost weirder than suddenly being queen. I dont know what to do. I dont know what to think of my father. And I sure as hell dont know what to do with her.Love them both, I said softly. Theyre your family. Jills great, you know. Get to know her. Be excited.I dont know if I can. I think youre more of a sister to me than shell ever be. Lissa stared off at nothing. And of all people I was convinced for so long that there was something going on between her and Christian.Well, out of all the worries in your world, thats one you can let go because its not true. But within her comment was something dark and sad. How isChristian?She move back to me, her eyes full of pain. Hes having a hard time. I am too. He visits her. Tasha. He hates what she did, bu t well, shes still his family. It hurts him, but he tries to hide it. You know how he is.Yeah. Christian had spent a good portion of his life masking dark feelings with snark and sarcasm. He was a pro at fooling others about how he truly felt.I know hell be better in time I just hope I can be there for him enough. So much is happening. College, being queen and always, always, theres spirit there, pressing down on me. Smothering me. Alarm shot through me. And panic. Panic over something far worse than not knowing what Lissa was feeling or where she was. Spirit. I was afraid of spiritand the fact that I couldnt fight it for her. The darkness I cant absorb it anymore. What will we do?A twisted smile crossed her lips. You mean, what will I do. Its my problem now, Rose. Like it always should have been.But, no you cant. St. VladimirIsnt me. And you can protect me from some things but not all.I shook my head. No, no. I cant let you face spirit alone.Im not exactly alone. I talked to S onya. Shes really good at healing charms and thinks theres a way to keep myself in balance.Oksana said the same thing, I recalled, feeling hardly reassured.And theres always the antidepressants. I dont like them, but Im queen now. I have responsibilities. Ill do what I have to. A queen gives up everything, right?I guess. I couldnt help feeling frightened. Useless. Im just so worried about you, and I dont know how to help you anymore.I told you you dont have to. Ill protect my mind. Your jobs to protect my body, right? And Dimitri will be around too. Itll all be okay.The conversation with Dimitri came back to me. Who were you going for? Me or her?I gave her the best smile I could. Yeah. Itll all be okay.Her hand squeezed mine. Im so glad youre back, Rose. Youll always be part of me, no matter what. And honestly Im kind of glad you cant see my sex life anymore.That makes two of us. I laughed. No bond. No magical attachment. It was going to be so strange, but really did I need it? I n real life, people formed bonds of another nature. Bonds of love and loyalty. We would get through this. Ill always be there for you, you know. Anything you need.I know, she said. And actually I need you for something now Name it, I said.She did.